I think we all have that thing (or things) that we do that if other
people knew we did that thing, they’d think we were insane.
My thing is talking to myself.
I do it in my apartment (when I am alone).
I do it in my car (when I am alone).
I do it when I’m walking around (when I think I am alone).
Inevitably, when I’m walking around and talking to myself,
someone comes around the corner and catches me.
And I am mortified.
For the next 15 minutes.
Lately, I’ve been thinking out loud about work.
See, I don’t love my job.
I really wish I did.
I wish I shared the same passion for the company and the
work that I do as my peers.
I wish I "got" the work culture and climate.
But I don’t.
Instead, I feel like a cog in a very large machine. A
machine that I don’t know knows they need me.
I am an essential, important, vital, awesome cog. (I am also
a really modest cog.)
The machine just doesn’t know it yet.
And through all these intrapersonal conversations, I still
haven’t been able to reason if it’s time for me to move on to something else.
On one hand, oooobviously, it's time for me to move on to something else. If you're not happy doing what you do every day, you ought to go do something else. Right?
But, just like I don’t think that I can keep switching
apartments every year, I don’t think I should keep switching jobs every year.
Right?
I just find myself oscillating between feeling like it's okay to not love your job, if you love your life and feeling like if I have to be somewhere 40 hours a week, I may as well love it. Right?
I don't know.
I feel like I’m looking for this (unrealistic) holy grail of a job.
A job that is fast-paced but not overwhelming.
A job that is fulfilling but not consuming.
A job with bosses that are supportive, innovative, and
trusting of my knowledge and my abilities.
So what do you think? Am I asking too much?
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1 comments:
First of all, I love that you say cog so much in those two paragraphs. It’s an underutilized word that is terribly amusing sounding.
Second, I think that this is a common worry of people, dare I say it, our age. I am nowhere near happy where I am in my current job. However, I do also see it as an essential spot though of where I am going. Call it a stepping-stone or the dues that we have to pay, but it’s something that we have to do. If you think of it that way, it’s less deteriorating of your ambitious soul.
The thing is to be smart enough to know when it’s time while maintaining a non-jumpy resume before you become a, “it’s called work because it’s work” type of person.
That’s my rationale that has been keeping me sane. Hopefully it sounds equally as good as you speaking to yourself. :)
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