"Am I Completely Unrealistic?"

I think we all have that thing (or things) that we do that if other people knew we did that thing, they’d think we were insane.

My thing is talking to myself.

I do it in my apartment (when I am alone).

I do it in my car (when I am alone).

I do it when I’m walking around (when I think I am alone).

Inevitably, when I’m walking around and talking to myself, someone comes around the corner and catches me.

And I am mortified.

For the next 15 minutes.

Lately, I’ve been thinking out loud about work.

See, I don’t love my job.

I really wish I did.

I wish I shared the same passion for the company and the work that I do as my peers.

I wish I "got" the work culture and climate.

But I don’t. 

Instead, I feel like a cog in a very large machine. A machine that I don’t know knows they need me.

I am an essential, important, vital, awesome cog. (I am also a really modest cog.)

The machine just doesn’t know it yet.

And through all these intrapersonal conversations, I still haven’t been able to reason if it’s time for me to move on to something else. 

On one hand, oooobviously, it's time for me to move on to something else. If you're not happy doing what you do every day, you ought to go do something else. Right? 

But, just like I don’t think that I can keep switching apartments every year, I don’t think I should keep switching jobs every year. Right?

I just find myself oscillating between feeling like it's okay to not love your job, if you love your life and feeling like if I have to be somewhere 40 hours a week, I may as well love it. Right? 

I don't know. 

I feel like I’m looking for this (unrealistic) holy grail of a job.

A job that is fast-paced but not overwhelming.

A job that is fulfilling but not consuming.

A job with bosses that are supportive, innovative, and trusting of my knowledge and my abilities.

So what do you think? Am I asking too much? 

"I Love Our Love the Most."

Our four year anniversary is tomorrow, October 3rd. And, after four years, and more ups and downs than I'll ever be able to totally recall, I can truly say, with my whole heart that I love our love.

I love the way we laugh hysterically when we are trying to remember our inside jokes.

I love how you let me order for you when we go out to dinner.

I love how you’ll have one courtesy glass of wine and wait patiently while I gleefully down the remainder of the bottle.

I love how we will never see world the same.

I love that you cook for me while I sit on the couch and watch terrible television.

I love watching you get mad at yourself when you realize you’re semi-interested in one of my terrible television shows.  

I love how you make me feel every time you say you’re mine.

I love how my messiness will never not drive you up the wall.

I love how you nag me incessantly about the things I procrastinate on (getting my car registration, filing a claim with my movers, folding my laundry).

I love watching you with the kitties.

I love that you have the kind of strength that every man wishes he had.

I love how you would rather take pictures of me being ridiculous with my friends than a picture of us together.

I love how you roll your eyes and say, “oh, my God” when you see tears streaming down my face during an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. (How you didn’t cry at this year’s season premiere, I’ll never know).

I love how my life is better because you’re in it. 

I love that you unabashedly think out loud about our future family and wedding.

I love your obsessive personality.

I love how you send my parents cards for birthdays and holidays.

I love that you’ve “affectionately” dubbed my long, winding stories Jonna stories and will listen to me and fake enthusiasm and interest.

I love that you never let me pity or victimize myself, even when I want to.

I love that you will support me in all I do, even if you wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.

I love your mean-spirited (but funny) comebacks. (EXAMPLE: Me: I hate you. R: No. You hate yourself.)

I love your brutal honesty.

I love your generous heart.

I love that there’s no hurdle we can’t overcome, especially distance.

I love that you’re still the one.