"It's Called 'The Bear' For a Reason!'

I did no formal working out with weekend. In lieu of CrossFitting, I packed. And packed. And took a break to hang out with friends. And packed some more. I'm not done, mostly because I ran out of boxes.

My legs think we worked out. Lost of lifting and bending and walking back and forth makes for tired legs.

In between packing boxes, I've gotten a chance to reflect on some of the actual workouts I've done thus far in CrossFit. Do you guys remember high school superlatives? "Most Likely to ________" or "Best _________," those sort of things. Well, in the spirit of that, I present to you my CrossFit Superlatives.

Longest WOD in the History of WODs: The Random Hodge-Podge Workout I Did On Friday 

Last Friday, Sarah and I went to CrossFit. Last time I went, I scanned the whiteboard and saw that it was going to be a partner workout, one that involved planks. I was excited and ready. But, when we got to class that morning, that's not what we ended up doing. The class was uncharacteristically large. And, the teachers we not the usual teachers. (The usual morning teachers were prepping for the CrossFit Regionals). So, they modified the workout. It was good. But so long. So very long.

First, they split us into 5 groups, one for each exercise (burpee pull-ups, wall balls, kettle-ball swings, lift-hand pull-ups, box jumps). Then, you alternate from station to station, spending a minute at each one. THEN, you do that 3 times. AND, they expected us to keep count (186 reps total). It was long. And brutal. But mostly long.

So, after that, I thought we were done. I had my water in hand, ready to go shower. BUT, then the teachers said, "Wait! You guys all need to cash-out!" New term for Jonna.

Our cash-out was squats and sit-ups. I did 115 and 78, respectively. I was sad and pitiful by the time I got to those sit-ups.

Most Fun Workout: CrossFit Baseball 

When I saw this on the board, I was pumped about it. I was going to be at that class. Well, we started with an extremely intense warm-up. It went a little something like this:

- 800m run
- 15 jump squats
- 400m run
- 15 jump squats
- 200m run
- 15 jump squats

Yeah. That's the WARM-UP. It took me 8:39. Not great, but I was lucky I finished. Running is not my forte.

Then, CrossFit Baseball finally began. The class split into two groups and we "ran bases."


- 1st Base - 20 lift-hand push-ups
- 2nd Base - 20 kettle-ball swings
- 3rd Base - 15 slam balls
- Home - 200m run

My team ... WON!! I contributed three "runs."

This workout wins the most fun award because it was actually a pretty good time. It was challenging, sure, but the competitiveness of it all made it more lighthearted and not so intense and scary. It helps that my team won.

Most Likely To Make Me Tear Up: The Bear 

Whe I first read this WOD on the board, I thought, "that doesn't sound so bad." I was wrong. I was so wrong. Sooo wrong.

Here's what you do:

You start in a deadlift. Then, you do a power clean. Then front squat, and push up to a push press. Then, put the bar on your shoulders and do a back squat. And finally, you do one final push press.

Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong. You have to do this circuit seven times to equal one round. Oh, and you're supposed to do five rounds. AND, if you can't make it through a round, you are supposed to start over. Death. After I finally finished, I turned to Kale and Sarah and said "It's called the [expletive] bear for a reason!!"

I teared up. I welled. I held it together but it was definitely touch-and-go.

Most Likely To Make Me Push Myself: The Chipper 

Kale and I did this WOD together. It's a partner WOD. My first partner WOD. Here's what you do.

One partner does an overhead carry in the parking lot. I don't know exactly how far we had to hold the overhead carry, but it was three parking stalls. It was far. And it was hard.

Well, while one partner is doing the overhead carry, the other is inside "chipping away" at these:

- 100 air squats
- 80 sit-ups
- 60 kettle-ball swings
- 40 toe-to-bars
- 20 goblet squats
- 10 handstand push-ups

Well, that's hard enough as it is. But, if you can no longer hold the carry, you have to drop the bar, run in, get your partner, and do 10 burpees.

This wins my favorite CrossFit superlative because I really felt like I couldn't keep going. But I felt like I had to, for my own edification and because I did't want to let my partner down. My arms felt like jello by the end and I didn't' think I could make it but we did. We did a lot of burpees, but we made it. And that's all that matters.

This CrossFit thing is getting easier. So says the girl that hasn't been to CrossFit in two days but is drinking a glass of wine.

"I Just Hate Moving."

When I started this post, here was my thought process: 

- "Man, I never blog anymore. I kinda suck." 

- "Well, it's okay. You can't blog at work anymore because you're actually having to work. That sucks." 

- "Well, even with my free time, I've been spending a lot of my time setting up my moving arrangements."

- "Maybe I'll blog about how much moving sucks." 

Then, I started writing about how much moving sucks. And how it's expensive. And how I suck at packing. And how I still don't have any boxes. And how I'm afraid my movers won't ever show and my cable won't get installed and the entire moving process will be awful. 

But, all that blog would do is stress me out and bore the living daylights out of all of you. 

Delete. 

Instead, I decided to find the silver lining in moving. 

Sure, moving is like a fresh start for your material possessions. You can place your things juuuuuust so. 

You can make sure that mirror is at your eye level. You can find a good place for your potholders. And, you can rearrange your DVDs by genre this time, and not alphabetically. Now, as much as I hate unpacking, I thoroughly love that moment when you are finally unpacked. When everything is in its place and you can finally just be in your home. It's awesome. You can breathe again. 

Moving is also an opportunity for a psychological new start. I've moved a lot over the past few years. And, I feel like every time I move to a new place, it's like moving into a new phase of life. When I first moved to San Antonio a year ago, I felt like it marked the end of my quarter-life crisis. I had a hunch that I was going to get all my shit together when I moved. I knew it was going to be good. 

And, it was. 

I can't wait for my new apartment and I can't wait for what's next. I'll keep you posted. 

"CrossFit is So Hardcore."

For a long time, I’ve been against CrossFit.

It was nothing against my friends that participate in it and enjoy it, I just didn’t think it was for me. It always seemed so … hardcore. Now I know, that’s not the best adjective in the world, but when I think CrossFit, I think “hardcore.” Here’s why:

1. It involves weights. And not cute, small, pink weights. HUGE, heavy barbells. Those things are scary for someone with puny arms, like myself.
2. People that are CrossFitters are pretty intense about their fitness. And, in being intense, they tend to work out a bunch, eat better and drink less. These are people that do the Paleo Diet. Now, I don’t eat all that much, but I don’t eat good-for-you-food and my drinking will never be described as “occassional.”

And, I tried to hold on to this anti-CrossFit-ism for a while. But, after some not-so-gentle urging, I arrived not-so-bright-eyed to a Friday 6:30AM CrossFit class.

Honestly, I don’t remember what all we did that day. There were medicine balls involved (so heavy), running involved (which I’m not good at), and some squatting and jumping thrown in, just to spice it up. I was exhausted after that hour. And, given my sweaty appearance, I looked like I just got out of a Bikram class. And, I distinctly remember being sore the entire weekend.

(This class preceded wedding dress / bridesmaids dress shopping weekend in Houston for Kale’s nuptials. And, I was halfway serious when I told Kale, “I can’t get out of bed, go on without me!” when we woke up Saturday morning.)

I’ve gone to like 5 classes (8, if you count my Elements** classes) over the past couple weeks and in doing so, I’ve developed a short list of pros and cons.

PRO: It’s an all-around workout. I’ve always thought that CrossFit was more strength-based than cardio-based. I had it in my head that CrossFit, if I got really into it, would make me really masculine and muscular. Now, that I’ve actually done the workouts, I don’t think that will be the case. , Most of the workouts thus far have had cardio components. For example, today’s workout involved running, jumping rope, and pull-ups. It was a pretty good balance. (It was also surprisingly hard.)

CON: It’s got a competitive slant. At the end of every workout, you yell out how you did. You have to say how many reps you completed or what your time was. In front of everyone. Not a fan of that part of it. One big advantage to solo exercise or something like yoga is that it is just about you, and your body, and how you did or feel that day. In CrossFit, I feel this uncomfortable urge to “win” which isn’t like me.

PRO: It’s new. Every day is different. I know that is partly because it’s new to me, but it helps. It helps me approach things with more tenacity and less apprehension because I have no idea what’s coming. I have no idea how good (or bad) I’ll be.

CON: I’m sore. All the time. Everywhere. Even as I type, my shoulders are screaming at me. And my left butt cheek. Not the right, just the left. Not sure what that’s all about.

PRO: I see ever-so-subtle changes in my body and my performance. Not huge. I’m not walking around with a six-pack right now – not by a longshot, and I’m not lapping all the other people in the class. But, I do see me holding my own and pushing myself more.

CON: Things like this happen.

This is a picture of me. Looking exhausting. Looking like I hate life. Attempting to fix my dead lift posture. You’ll also notice that my bar is empty. No added weight. In this particular picture, I was sucking it up during class. It was rough times, let me tell you. (In my defense, I did have weight on the bar. But, the coach looked at me struggling and said, “maybe that’s a little too heavy for you.” So, I took them off and tried to fend off the defeated Jonna in my head.)

You see that look on my face? That’s what I look like for about 55 minutes of the hour class. CrossFit is something else. It’s hard, and it's complex. There’s so many different exercises and components, and you need a degree of coordination, which isn't exactly my strong suit. It’s a lot to keep track of at one time, especially that early in the morning.

This stuff pushes me far out of my comfort zone. But, I’m hanging on to the hope that it will get easier.

Or at least that I’ll get good abs and better arms out of the deal.

**“Elements” is just a fancy way of saying CrossFit pre-requisite classes. In them, you learn the ropes of using the barbells, doing pull-ups, etc. It’s basically so you won’t kill yourself / look like a complete idiot when you take an actual class.

"Kansas City, Here I Come."

A picture-filled blog, for your viewing pleasure. 

Our first stop after I de-planed. 

Remember how in my last post, I said I wanted to take a pic at the Kansas / Missouri border. This is it. (The border is a river). 

It was fantastic. 

A few glasses of wine and some bread pudding at a wine bar. 

We got soo lucky with the weather. 

Such a cool photo. Thanks, Ray. 

Kansas City's Power and Light District. The coolest thing about this city. In the middle of the city, there is a collection of restaurant, bars, and clubs. At night, they close it off to anyone not 21, put a DJ in the middle, and it's a drinking / partying / dancing free-for-all. Prime people watching locale. 

Oh, and you can take your drinks and walk around with them. Which is exactly what I did. With wine. Of course. 

By the way, did you know that in Kansas they raise Christmas trees? Here's little baby Christmas trees that will soon be crammed into your homes and adorned with colorful things. 

See? You learn something new everyday.

"It's a Weekend of Firsts."

One: I’ll be flying Southwest Airlines for the first time.

I know this is kind of lame, but I’ve never flown Southwest and I’ve always wanted to. (I dream big, people). Whenever Ray and I travel, we tend to end up on Delta flights. But, because of where I’m going, I get to fly Southwest.

Two: I’m going to Kansas / Missouri.*

I’ll be there tonight! Some people may think, “Oh, you’re going to Kansas City … neat.” But Ray is there and, even though it’ll be a short trip, I know it’s going to be tons of fun, and just what the two of us need after a month apart.

Three: The HUUUUUUUNGER GAAAMES.

(You have to say it like that.)

We bought tickets early. 

We bought t-shirts to wear to the movie. 

And, last night, when I was packing for my trip, I Googled “what color are mockingjays?” 

Here’s my thought process:

Mockingjays = Birds

Bird = Feathers

I should wear a pair of feather earrings to the movie!!

(By the way, the jury is still out on the color of mockingjays’ feathers. Some say black and white and some say silver-ish. I packed the black pair.)

Anyway, I’m so excited for the weekend. It’s going to be 48 blissful hours.

*Technically, Ray lives in Kansas, but it’s painfully close to Missouri so we’ll be splitting our time between the two. Ray doesn’t know it yet, but I want to be all “Walk to Remember”-esque and put one foot in each state and be in two places at once.

I'll let you know how it goes. Have a good weekend everyone!

"I'm Trying Something New."

Beginning of this year, I read Mindy Kaling’s memoir. (If you haven’t read it and are in need of an entertaining, light read, I definitely suggest it.)

In her book, Mindy (I call her Mindy because I feel that we could be friends if I lived in LA, or if she lived in central Texas) talks about how stress should never be a “legitimate topic of conversation” because it’s nothing extraordinary. That is, everyone is stressed out, so why do we ever utter the phrase, “oh my goodness, I am soooo stressed right now?”

She goes on to say that she will never say this phrase, just like she will never latch on to the idea of “me time.”

Now, I totally get the stress thing. But, man, I love me some “Jonna time.” Love it. Can’t get enough. I just feel better when I spend some time alone. I love my friends, I love Ray, and I love spending time with people that I care about and have fun with. But, I also can (and do) enjoy spending hours on my couch / bed / living room floor doing things that can only be described as “Jonna time.” It includes, but is not limited to: nail painting, Survivor, and eating a meal of Doritos, fruit roll-ups, and Sweet Leaf green tea, straight from the jug of course.

But, there’s something I’ve wanted to try for like, a really long time. I’ve been wanting to go to a restaurant alone, eat alone, maybe drink alone, and enjoy my own company, alone. It’s something I’ve termed a “Jonna Date.”

I know it seems kind of weird. And, it seems like it would be incredibly uncomfortable. But before you form your opinion, let me paint you a picture of the very first “Jonna Date.”

Wednesday afternoon, I get off work at 5 and head to this place called Tre Trattoria. Ray and I had been once before and I had been itching to go again. Well, let me tell you, this place is as dead as a doornail at 5:20ish on a Wednesday afternoon. When I walked in, I was compelled to ask the hostess if they were even open.

I let her know that I was just going to mosey on over to their bar and proudly walked over. There are no chairs or barstools at the bar, so I had no choice but to sit at a little high-top table, which intended for four people. One of the chefs was milling around and asked me if I was “meeting some friends.” “Nope, it’s just me!” I respond, a little too eagerly. I talked to the bartender and ordered a glass of wine and then ran back to my car to get my nook. See, I figured that the “Jonna Date” maybe would include some light reading.

Well, I sat there, played on my phone, read a little David Sedaris, and small talked with the bartender.

How was the “Jonna Date,” you ask?

It was good.

I stayed there for about 2 hours, read a couple chapters of my book, and even ordered a pizza. (It was delicious, by the way). The whole experience was kind of liberating. Liberating in the “I-did-something-I-don’t-usually-do-and-I-feel-awesome-because-I-stepped-out-of-my-comfort-zone” way.

It was also a little strange, I won’t lie. It definitely crossed my mind that some of the servers and the other patrons may have been judging me. This feeling was hard to fend off when one of my ex-grad school peers walked in and saw me, at my four-top table. Ridin’ solo. Drinkin’ away. We small talked for a few minutes until he went to meet up with his friend. (My wine intake may have been accelerated at this point, just saying).

Will I do it again, you ask?

Probably.

I think it’s nice to do things that you don’t usually do. It breaks up the monotony that can become a constant in our lives. And, if you know me at all, you know that I am a creature of habit. A solo happy hour is about as wild as things get in my neck of the woods.

"Don't Talk About It, Be About It."

Intrinsically, I feel like I am a good friend. Dependable. Good listener. Full of comic relief and silver linings.

But, I also know that I’m not perfect. Among many things, I hate confrontation. It is one of the hardest things to do with someone you love and care about, in my opinion. I usually cannot summon the nerve to look someone in the eye and tell them exactly how I feel.

It makes my tummy feel weird. It makes me lose my appetite. It makes me perspire.

And, to avoid confrontation or un-fun situations, I’ll lie (via commission or omission) to soften the blow.

And boy, does that cause its share of complications and messiness. Definitely lost a few friendships after the dust settled.

But, here’s something else I know. Forgiveness is tough. It takes time. It doesn’t come without discomfort. (Cue the weird tummy feelings and the sweating.) But it is doable, with one contingency. Both parties cannot just say they forgive. The members of the duo have to actively go out and work on their relationship. They have to work the relationship back into a good place.

In short, “don’t talk about it, be about it.”

On the list of things I don’t care for, surprises rank near confrontation. I don’t do well with the unexpected. So imagine how I felt when an ex-friend of mine called me to tell me that she “forgave me.” She let me know that she has decided to “let go of all of the hurt and pain” she felt because of me. Gee thanks.

I stammered and stuttered throughout the brief phone call saying things like “umm, well, I, uh, appreciate that.” I also asked, “so does that mean that we are, like, friends again?” Her answer? An abrupt, “no, I don’t think we can be.” Gee thanks, again.

I thought long and hard about why someone would call an individual tell them that they forgive them, but not want to pursue any sort of relationship. There are obvious religious undertones there. Forgiveness, loving thy neighbor, all that jazz.

But, ultimately, I think, it helps the caller feel better. It makes their heart a little lighter. It allows them to regain some control and some presence in your life.

And, I think that is a teensy bit, dare I say it – selfish. Here’s why.

I never advocated for a termination of the friendship. I boldly and optimistically believed that we could be friends even in the face of our tribulations. But she didn’t. She presented me with (what I believed to be) an ultimatum. And, I believe that because I didn’t choose her preference, she chose to walk away, leaving me to do the best with what I have.

The selfishness comes into plan when she reenters my life out of the blue to let me know how she felt, which is whatever. But she did not leave a lot of wiggle room for me to respond or counter. And, I know she did so because it made her feel good. But, it threw me for an unexpected curve. If I’m being blunt, I don’t think you get to waltz into my life, at your discretion, tell me you forgive me (for something that I don’t think was that bad), remind me of your hurt and pain (that I caused), and leave. It’s just not cool and not fair.

True forgiveness is an action. It involves not just saying something, but doing something. I could say I forgive lots of people who have wronged me but, unless I’m making moves toward remedying that bond, what’s the point?

Remember people, forgiveness is something you do, not something you say.

Forgive if you want. Hold on to your anger if you want. It's your call.

But don’t just talk about it. Be about it.